Things I Will NEVER Do:

1. BUY A MINI-VAN. Notice that this made the top of the list? There's a good reason. It's the "thing I will never do" that I'm most passionate about. It screams everything that I'm not. I just couldn't handle it.

2. GO CAMPING. Okay, admittedly, I've done it once, but there was a large amount of Captain Morgan's involved and it was a horrific experience anyway. No thanks. There are bugs... no indoor plumbing... no pillow-topped mattresses... and there are bugs.